I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
