My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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