so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
