Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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