i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
