I want to make a zoo with you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
