It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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