there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
