So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
is it fun? or sober?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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