Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
