I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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