what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
