I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize