It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
