There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
