These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
