You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
