So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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