I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
