I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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