One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
