Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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