she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
