Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
