some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
