true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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