I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize