he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
