I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
