Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
