So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
