just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
