he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
