i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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