the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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