I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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