He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
