He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and she was petting her beer can
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
