I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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