My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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