I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
