Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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