shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize