even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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