the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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