ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
