If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
