dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
