i don't like sucking hair
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
