Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
