That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
