I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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