yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
