I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
