fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
