My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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