is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
