Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
