Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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