It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
