Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize