Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
