I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
