hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
