Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
