Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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