I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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